Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
