he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
