i wish my penis had a tongue
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
