i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have so many feelings about this burrito
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
