Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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