Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
