The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
