you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
