You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
