I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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