What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
