No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
