He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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