so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Text me some of your sweat
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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