And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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