Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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