...so i touched it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
