is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
