I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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