i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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