Me too!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
