Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
