I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
