"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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