I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When did we convert life to cartoon?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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