I'm going to jail i love you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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