Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
