I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
