So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
