Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
