No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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