where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
