We named our party play list daddy issues
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
