Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
