ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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