Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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