Non-Jews are for practice
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
