well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
