She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
