the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
