Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
