The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
