hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
