i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
