It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
