i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
