i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
