I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
