we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i drank out of a bidet.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
