You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
