when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
