Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
