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There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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